BREAD & CIRCUSES

The rise of the oceans has begun to slow and the planet has begun to heal. Thanks to Hillary and Barry pushing the “reset button” with the Russkies, those commie bastards are now our new BFF. There is peace in the Middle East, health care is free and everyone loves us! I think now is the time the Dear Leader would like us to obsess over our bread and circuses.

So, lets talk some football! 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh thinks Clay Matthews is a dirty player. Back in the fifties there was a defensive back named Emlen Tunnell who had a reputation for clothes-lining people. Of the Claymaker's allegedly late hit on the 49ers quarterback, Harbaugh said, “I was standing there and was kind of struck....I'm seeing Emlen Tunnell here.” What a coincidence. After about 80 close up shots of Harbaugh's reaction after every play, I was kind of struck: I'm seeing Forest Gump with a scorching boil on his ass here. Stupid and irritated is as stupid and irritated does, Jim.

The Mighty Packers blasted the Washington Redskins last weekend. It's early but I'm getting that Championship Season feel with the Pack. Not so for the Redskins. Not only are they stuck with Master Splinter for a coach but now they got the Indians after them again bitching about their team name. About two dozen protesters showed up at Lambeau on Sunday to let Packer Fans know that they consider “Redskins” to be a derogatory term. The protest was organized by the Wisconsin Indian Education Association's Mascot and Logo Task Force. (I bet those meetings are a blast.) According to Brandon Stevens of the Oneida Tribe, “We're actively and proactively creating an avenue of education and seeking out remedies to see how we can come to an understanding where the offender isn't the one dictating what the intent of the mascot is.” Consulting my Libtardese to English dictionary, a rough translation of this jibberish is, “We're going to be throwing hissy fits until we get everything we want.”

Now comes the first jackass out of the box. Sports Illustrated's Peter King says he will no longer use the “Washington team nickname.” Wow! Check out Pete's prodigious social conscience! Before I develop a debilitating case of social conscience envy I need to respond so here is what I'm going to do. I will no longer be using the name of that Sports Illustrated writer. From now on I will refer only to Sports Illustrated's ELF. (Elitist Liberal Fool) There you go ELF. We have both engaged in the same empty symbolism and accomplished nothing. But I bet you feel better about yourself. I know I do.

Jackass No. 2: NFL Commissioner Rodger Goodell said, “If one person is offended, we have to listen.” What if one million people are not offended? Will they listen to them also? I think the NFL owners need to call an emergency meeting to fire this idiot. Do they really want someone this breathtakingly stupid running their league?

This sort of crap is happening more and more often in this country. A few malcontents dictate societal standards for all. In this case the claims of the offended are demonstrably false. They say that Indian mascots demean their culture and they feel personally disrespected. But team names have never been intended to impugn anyone's culture or ethnicity. Names and mascots of this nature are chosen to represent what the team aspires to be. Warriors, Minutemen, Vikings, Seminoles, Fighting Illini, Patriots and so on. Team names are meant to conjure images of a fearsome and formidable foe. They are a source of pride for both the team and their fans. Nobody wants a nickname that encourages laughter and derision. For cripes sake, no team would ever call themselves the “Fighting French.”

The owner of the Redskins said he will never change the name. Good for him but the grievance culture of Obamaland has so elevated the status of the perpetually offended that I put the over/under for a name change at three years. Accepting the inevitability of this change, I think an effort should be made to get in front of this thing and avoid the dreaded “Golden Eagles” or “Senators” or “Red Storm” suggestions that are sure to pop up. If we all commit to this effort we can get a much better name into the social conservation. From now on I will be referring to the Washington football team as the Washington “Cracka's.” Will you join me? This name is a winner on many levels. First of all, doesn't it just fit? Washington Cracka's. Just sounds right. Also, it's not offensive to anyone who counts. Oh sure, maybe some white supremacist will bitch but really, who cares. Besides, those hillbillies have nothing to complain about. It's not a racist term. As explained by Trayvon Martin's girlfriend to Piers Morgan, “Cracka” should not be construed as a pejorative by white people: “...that's a person who act like they're a police...,” she said. Well, I guess it's settled then. Go Cracka's!